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From September


I wrote this on a forum a few months back and it’s been one of my favorite writings ever since.

Hung out with the niece today, it was kind of a long day actually. I was supposed to grill with my brother but we went out for margaritas instead. Got shitty service until that one bartender arrived. She loves us, or maybe just me. Hopefully just me. Everyone tells me she’s just trying to get me drunk.
After that i took my niece to Plato’s Closet so she can sell some clothes. They bought everything except her shoes. But wait, i forgot. Before that, while we were in the car on the way over, hannah gets a phone call (that’s her name, hannah). All she says is “Yeah” then “Ok”. I thought it was my brother getting onto her, he’s pretty strict. Then she tells me it was her boyfriend and he dumped her. She’s distant, not too upset. At least not yet. We leave Plato’s Closet and i make a joke about finding Ed Hardy clothes elsewhere. Hannah doesn’t laugh, damnit.

We try this other place and it’s an Asian girl this time and i say “Herro” without realizing i said it. The Asian girl doesn’t seem to notice. Hannah doesn’t laugh. She has a great laugh, i need to hear it.

Then she wants to go to the used book store across the way. It doesn’t smell like old man like i thought it would and they have a decent selection. There’s a gay and a geek behind the counter and they’re talking about tv shows i don’t care about and the whole store can hear them. I find a really old James Ellroy book, a Dave Eggers book, All the Pretty Horses, and a short story collection. Hannah finds some pink book. I flip through He’s Just Not That Into You and then i hate myself for a full minute. I find hannah and tell her that i heard this old woman fart and it was pretty loud. Still no laugh. Damn these teenagers.

Nothing too interesting has happened all day, i didn’t get into any confrontations, didn’t do anything stupid. I’m worried hannah’s gonna think i’m a bore now.

We go get some smoothies but hannah can’t handle all the people so we left to this park where me and my brother and all our shithead friends used to hang out and get high at. Hannah wants to swing, she doesn’t want to go home because she’s just gonna end up crying. So we swing. Well….she swings, i mostly just drag my toes back and forth and watch the skater kids not skate.

“How do you deal with breakups?”

“I drink myself stupid.”

“Ok but what about after that?”

“I dunno, i just think about it a lot. Wait it out.”

“Breakups are always so bad.”

“Yeah i don’t like relationships because i know i’ll have to break up eventually.”

“People breakup and get back together all the time, right?”

“Sure. I still talk to this one girl and we broke up like 5 years ago. We’re really close.”

She seemed to accept that. Thank god, no crying. I’m bad at emotions. Except laughing, i’m good at that. Then we left to go home finally. But my brother wants a smoothie so i go to another smoothie place. It’s right by the margarita place, maybe the bartender will see me trying to cheer up my heartbroken niece. I told hannah how i was talking to my friend the other day who told me she’s been stealing stuff, like a lot of stuff. And she’s 26. That’s our thing, hannah and i. We tell each other stuff we don’t want anyone else to know. It’s an interesting bond. She tells me about stuff before she tells her mom sometimes. She’s 16 and she’s probably partied harder in her day than any of my friends.

On the ride home i told her to find someone she can actually see and that long distance relationships suck. Then we got on another subject and i reminded her of how when my brother first met her mom, there was this curse or something that caused everyone to fall down the stairs at least once. She asked me if i ever fell and i said yes. That dumb dog she used to have peed right at the top of the steps and i slipped on it and slid down the stairs on my back and i was sore for 2 weeks. Then there it was, the laugh. It’s a loud laugh, it almost hurts my ears. Maybe she was just really upset but she laughed the whole ride home from that one story about the time i slid down the stairs on a dog’s pee. You have to hear her laugh, i can’t really describe it. She makes a great audience, sometimes it’s embarrassing.

Anyway, it was a nice change from all the emotional bullshit i’ve been putting myself through lately and all the partying. That gets old sometimes. Hearing hannah laugh though, that never really gets old.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Alecia permalink
    03/02/2011 2:24 pm

    You’re going to be a great dad….one day.

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