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Deadpan Delivery (aka I Love Aubrey)


Can i just say how much i’ve fallen for Aubrey Plaza? There, i did. I’d only seen an episode or two of Parks and Recreation before, although now i watch it all the time. Mostly because of Aubrey but also because it’s pretty damn funny. Just look at her for a second. Or a minute, i’ll wait…

I’m not jumping on a bandwagon here, promise. I’ve had a thing for her for quite some time. Long before that Warcraft commercial that made her super popular (Look at those legs when she’s on the couch). I love deadpan delivery, especially when it comes from a sad, quirky, brown haired, brown eyed girl. That’s my type, you see. I don’t like blondes so much. They have too much fun.

I don’t really remember her in Funny People because i only saw it once and i felt like it was too long and it didn’t know when to end. The part with Eminem yelling at Ray Romano was hilarious though. But i’m sure she stole the scenes she was in. Here, let’s look at another picture.

Don't give me that look.

I love the black eye liner and i have to tell you something else. My favorite thing right now is black nail polish. Especially if she’s not wearing anything else that’s black. It hints at a darkness and a sadness that any normal guy would find attractive. And not because i have a savior-complex or it’s easy to take advantage of sad girls. Because it’s not, trust me. Also, i got past that savior-complex thing a long time ago. And i didn’t even have to pay a therapist! Sad girls are not easy. That’s part of why i like them so much, because it’s a challenge. That and they usually say the most interesting things like “I want to eat your brains. And i will!”. <–True story.

Back to Aubrey. Her delivery is what i admire most. She doesn’t care what’s going on around her and she doesn’t smile or laugh at her own jokes. I’ve been working on my deadpan delivery. It’s not easy because my jokes are so funny, you know. They even make me laugh and most people can’t do that. People have always told me to “be more enthusiastic” and i used to be all “Oh shit, i better be more enthusiastic then!” but now i don’t really care. Why pretend, you know? Then you’ll just end up running around like a fucking oblivious dork everyone sniggers about when you’re not around. Everyone needs at least a small degree of self-hatred. It’s healthy.

Anyway, Aubrey Plaza is the crown princess of deadpan. She doesn’t get a lot of screen time in P&R but it’s fine. It makes her appearances that much more memorable. Look at this music video she’s in:

The range. The emotional depth. The eating of flowers. Even the bloody face is attractive on her. She does crazy well.

Look, i went on and on about this chick. But can you blame me? Sad, quirky girls have this hidden sexuality that’s never overt or threatening. I’ve never been one for the All American Girl, i find them typical and droll. And not droll in a cute way like Aubrey.

Here, one more picture for the road:

You shouldn't smile more, dear.

Oh my.

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